Autumn
by Asuki
Summary: Kai suffers from nightmares, and someone is there to help him, comfort him... but who? [yaoi, one-shot]


**Title: **Autumn  
  
**Authoress:** Asuki  
  
**Rating:** PG-13  
  
**Warnings: ** yaoi, sap, mild angst & eccentric notions  
  
**Summary:** Kai suffers from nightmares, and someone is there to help him, comfort him... but who? [yaoi, one-shot]  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own beyblade or its characters. I simply borrow them from time to time and return them relatively unharmed.  
  
**Status:** unrevised  
  
Enjoy, if possible.

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You're whimpering, again.  
  
It was the same old night, same old room. Sleep has become a distant memory, a place of peace and serenity, something we obviously lack. All that's left now is rest, mandatory rest. So that we have enough energy for the next day, to carry out more tests and experiments, to train.  
  
Have you ever stopped and thought about all this?   
  
All these years, the same routine. Do you remember when we were young? I dare say we were just children, carefree, innocent, vulnerable.  
  
_Helplessly young_.  
  
Take a look at us now. Sometimes I wonder whether you could still see it in my eyes, do I still have the same fire blazing inside of me? Or has my icy exterior masked away those joyous years, when we were free to be ourselves, when we were happy...? I think I know the answer, but somewhere deep down inside of me, I prayed, for even the vaguest glimpses of memories to remain, for the most minuscule proportion of hope to linger, to exist.  
  
The truth is, I'm afraid.  
  
I'm afraid to find out what tomorrow has in stored for us. Not the usual training schedule, not at all. Humans have the ability to adapt into environments they are thrown in right? So after years, you are supposed to be use to it. And I am. That is not my pinnacle of fear, no.  
  
Truth be told, my fear connects to you. In fact, I fear _for_ you.  
  
What if you're next? What will become of me when they take you away? The tall black doors of the building that spoke of terror itself; the endless corridors with metal doors that shut with the most horrifying clanking noises; the ominous rooms filled with unimaginable anguish, torment.  
  
I've been there, and I don't want you to go through it, not the way I did. Is this what it's like to care for someone? Or am I merely a selfish being whom is reluctant to loose a companion, a friend, a lover...  
  
I can't help but to smile when I think of you. Not my predator smile that is displayed before a match as I intimidate my opponents, not my sarcastic smirk that taunts and ridicules my fellow comrades, but an unadulterated smile, a genuine one.  
  
The walls are still stone cold, the small window is still barred, the night is still dark.   
  
From the distance between our beds I see you, just vaguely. I sense your silhouette as you writhe under the thin layers, struggling to escape from your nightmare's ravenous grasp. How long has it been, I didn't keep track. All I know is that you thrash under the clutches of the same demons that haunt you, keeping me up all night.  
  
And when you wake up, you'll never admit it. Countless times I insisted on helping you, the answer only too evident. But I know you'll remember the dreams, every single one of them. Heck, it could all be the same one, but that's insignificant. You don't admit your fears to anyone, you don't even reveal them to me, but don't you know that it's plain on your face? At dawn, the only time you are free of your mask, where you don't have to pretend, don't need to act. I understand you, even the perfect warrior is allowed to be scared shitless at times. It's funny how your traits go unnoticed by any other, or maybe I just know you too well.  
  
Well that explains it.  
  
No one will ever believe us though. All they know is that we are supposed to be emotionless, and that means fearless. We have been brought up to be secluded, impassive, callous, and more. While that was true, most don't see, cannot look past our façade. To them, we are just machines, monsters, uncaring bastards that will do anything to achieve victory.  
  
We live, we breathe, and we _do_ feel.   
  
It becomes a whole different story at night. Only under the protection of the dark, when we are alone, do we truly be ourselves. We can never be normal, so don't bother to compare us to simple minded teenagers, it would be a disgrace if I was ever thought as anything near normal. It's like we have an alter ego, one for day, one at night.   
  
Now that is a truly terrifying thought.  
  
When you're training, or in a battle, you can at least surrender yourself to the sensation. There is no need to think, you just do what they tell you, follow your instincts, do as you are trained. Pull the ripcord harder; run faster; channel more energy; improve your attack... and don't lose. But at night, to some extent you are free, to let your thoughts roam, to think.  
  
So here I am, laying motionless in my bed, wide awake, watching your silent suffers.  
  
A pang of guilt makes its way up my chest, crawling under my skin, daring me to do something about it. The slightest feeling stirred in the back of my throat, something like compassion. Realization dawns soon enough, past the fear that had latched itself deep inside my bones.   
  
Just like me, you didn't choose it, you didn't want it.  
  
But do we get a choice? _No_.  
  
Perhaps that was what drove me to slip from my bed. My bare skin breaks the contact, and no matter how many times I tried to stop it, I shiver involuntarily. As I climbed into your bed, I took a second to contemplate my actions and the cause. I don't deny my love for you, but I still cringe upon the mention of that word. So that was it, love, simple yet complicated.  
  
Hastily I shook my head, I'm not making any sense here. Then again, love doesn't have a sense, it just be.  
  
Your body is still, clam despite the mental conquers undergoing in your mind. You don't much as recoil as I slipped under the blankets, right next to you. A wave of tranquillity washes over me, accompanied with your familiar heat, oh the things you do to me. I shift closer, lying on one side and extended an arm to touch yours, to hold you. We stayed in that position for moments, before my arm closes around your waist, pressing your body firmly against mine.  
  
Bare skin came in contact with one another, nothing less than welcoming the comforting touch, even craving more. You snuggle more into my chest, closing the already electrifying proximity. Once more my lips curved into a smile, my hand went on an exploration of your sides, feeling the smooth texture and the ripples of muscle underneath. The pale skin glowed under the moonlight, giving me the impression of ethereality.   
  
I take in a deep breath, once more marvelling at the beauty before me.   
  
Incoherent, indistinct syllables leave your mouth, and I know you are enjoying my touch. I'm pretty sure any touch but mine would have you instantly awake, up on your feet and throwing a punch at the invader. I know you, always alert, always on guard. It gives me even more satisfaction to know that I am that special one, I posses the touch your body recognizes and accepts.   
  
You wake slowly, stirring before your eyes fully flutter open, taking in the sight of the blank ceiling, but feeling a reassuring presence next to yours. A moment later I found myself lost within your crimson depths, staring right into your soul. Your features are something I will never get tired of looking at, the sheer splendour is enough to drive me crazy.   
  
My eyes wander across your pale form, up from your azure bangs, down past your unquestioning irises, across your defined cheekbones and jaw line, finally halting before your still lips. The moonlight assisted me in finding them, and you didn't hesitate. I know you needed the touch, the comfort and release, as much as I did. Kissing was something else you didn't need to think about, strange enough. You can just let all your worries fly out the window and let your primal instincts guide you to that one person.  
  
Your taste was also something that will always captivate me, if I had to describe it then I would say a clear winter breeze, sharp yet tender and exquisite like none other. Breaking the kiss, I licked my lips as I tasted your very own essence. Of course it wasn't enough as I soon move down to your neck, flicking out my tongue and teasing the exposed skin. You toss your head back like you always do, a silent demand for me to continue. I complied as you wish, sending feather kisses and nibbles over the pulse at the side of your neck, also electric sparks down your spine.  
  
Your scent, intoxicating much like your taste. I would drown and die happy just to have your scent in my company.   
  
Needing more contact, I curl up on my fours before shifting so that I lay on top of you, straddling you with my thighs. Your body tensed up before you gave in to the pleasure and let a moan escape your delicate lips, a sound that I find utterly fulfilling, to know that I am the one causing those lovely reactions. I place both hands on your shoulders before sliding them down, roaming them across your broad chest; my mouth once more found its way to your neck, resuming the previous actions only this time my tongue found its way just below your Adam's apple.   
  
Did I ever tell you your skin is sweetly salty and warm?  
  
Our lips met once more in a clash, only this time it wasn't teasing or gentle, it was passionate. Your bottom lips is clamped between mine as I nibble slightly on the delicate flesh. I slip my tongue into the familiar territory, letting the titillating combination of rough and slick consume me. I know your taste off by heart, every smell, every curve. Just like you know me inside out, as well as everything in between. Yet every time we explore each other like our first, thorough, gentle and caring touches at first that soon turns into something wild and ardent.  
  
Knowing there's the slightest possibility of being our last.  
  
You moan my name as I attack your neck once more. It holds so much meaning, the way you say my name, it's more than the lust or want, it's something deeper, much deeper. A simple sound, yet it is enough to express more than either of us ever need to. You tangle your hands within my tresses, holding me tight like a precious teddy bear, like something you've lost as a child. I pull back from my ministrations momentarily to look into your eyes again, and a thought hit me.  
  
You'll never change, you'll always be the burning phoenix, and your eyes tells me that.   
  
A quick brush of lips before I close my eyes and fall against you, your heartbeat matching those of my own, pumping with vigour, joy and also love. I once more roll on my side, arms around your waist again. You thank me for helping you tonight, no words came from my mouth but instead I place a kiss on your shoulder blade and tighten my hold on you. In reply you curl up against my frame, murmuring I love you before falling into some much needed sleep.   
  
For a moment, I wondered what we must look like together. Perhaps we were like autumn, compared to our inversed colours, just like autumn is with other seasons. Or maybe we were closer to winter, with our icy exteriors and a touch of cold to our appearances, yet inside we burn, we sear. Then again, if we, together resemble anything at all, I will forever be the sheer ice lurking behind the chills and closed doors; and you, eternally the light and fire, lingering in the darkest rooms, smouldering.**  
  
the end.  
  
**==========  
  
A/N: Pointless and pathetic, I know. Still, guesses or comments will be much welcomed, though I damn right gave it away.  



End file.
